Sunday, July 31, 2011

A Model of Love that Places Love in Opposition to Happiness

If your love doesn't make demands of you, difficult demands, then how do you know it's real?

Love, lifelong-soul-partnering love, is best identified not by the happiness it creates, but by the pain it causes. Every short-term infatuation is fun - possibly even more fun than a serious love, because a fling doesn't make demands on your ego, but instead just strokes it slowly. True love on the other hand can be rough on one's ego and will compel one to do things.
(Slavoj Zizek in his book violence says that 'love is violent' and here I write about another aspect of that violence.) Therefore, it stands to reason that some of the most loving people are some of the most miserable.

So if you're looking for examples of great loves perhaps it shouldn't be extremely happy perfectly compatible people who love in a very convenient manner. Perhaps the greatest loves are those who seem mismatched. Who don't even seem particularly happy, but are compelled to stay together; regardless of the fact that their love may make them miserable. The most meaningful love is one that isn't perfect. The most meaningful love is one where happiness and love are actually incompatible. I choose for myself a model of love which puts love in opposition to happiness. And if you really want love, you have to accept a fair amount of pain and unhappiness.

Maybe I just resent the idealized couple whose relationship is nothing but sunshine and perkiness, but as it is I prefer couples who are not ideal. Rocky and violent love is for me much more beautiful, because that love is much more real (both in the sense of being actual and in the sense of their love being genuine with depth and meaning). I prefer love that is difficult to love that is shallow.

Friday, July 1, 2011


"Single Riders"

Aubry and I went to the amusement park, Lagoon, the other day. While waiting in line for a roller-coaster we read a sign that said "No single riders in the front and back carts".

I then told Aubry, "Good thing we're married, we can sit wherever we want."

"Your Eyes are Just For Looks"

Aubry and I were swimming the other day. The day was sunny and her blue eyes look very beautiful in the sunlight. So I looked over at her and said, "You have very pretty eyes". She strained into the glaring sun to look back at me and said, "I can't see."

In response I said, "O, I guess your eyes are just for looks?"